365 Days of Journaling Through Art... or "Spirit Walk"

Well, it's a new year. We made it through the first decade of this century - although, at times I was wondering if we would. It was a tough decade for us. Lot's of health problems - A serious heart problem (endocarditis), diabetes, broken arm, my wife getting a serious constant headache that has lasted for over a whole year now with no relief... Some of it has been definitely been a "trip" I would not relish repeating.

At the same time, through it all,there have been some notable blessings. We moved to New England - and then, even more exciting, we moved to Burlington, Vermont! Have you ever seen it? Better yet, have you ever experienced it? Great people, great food, great community spirit, great environment, great views - I tell you almost everyday I find myself whispering under my breath, "O God!, I get to live here!" And there have been other joys, as well. We are finally beginning to do what I have always wanted to do. (We are in the process of "de-constructing" church and boiling it down to its distilled essence of "a spiritual community" of loving and accepting other where they are instead of trying to change people. It's been difficult and rewarding at the same time but we now have "communities" (called Organic Church Community) that get together in three different states in New England! Besides that, I lost almost 100 pounds, dropped my blood sugar to normal ranges without medication, got in shape, and had a "spontaneous" healing of my heart that no one - not even the doctors - can explain! We are also starting to zero in on my wife's headache issue (we hope) and maybe life will start to take a good turn this coming decade.

But somewhere along the way, between the struggles and going to as many as ten medical appointments a week, I realized that what makes me "me" had gotten blurred and, sometimes, almost lost. I have come to realize that I need to "find" myself again. There have been bouts with depression and discouragement. There have been too many "numb" days along the way that I blocked out what was happening so I wouldn't remember the pain and stress. That "blocking" mechanism also had the effect of "blocking" out a good portion of who I was. I became too good at not feeling anything so I could survive.

I finally talked this over with our family doctor (who is the coolest MD/Naturopathic doctor we could ever have hoped to find with training in both disciplines - thank God for the Vermont Health Care System!). Anne suggested that I journal everyday to get a hold on my inner self again. She said it was good "medicine" as studies show it lowers blood pressure and a host of other gd benefits, as well. The problem is, journaling is not my strongest suit. But then my wife said, "He does journal, in a sense, when he does art." That was really an insightful perspective, I thought, because, when I do art, my mind goes "into the realm" of what I am trying to explore. I find myself in another world within me and bringing that out into this world makes me feel connected with my inner reality again.

Life isn't all about what is seen - it's also what the spirit within sees and experiences. To deny that "spirit world" existence is a lot like sleeping without dreaming. Studies have shown that is an unhealthy state that will eventually cause you troubles. In dreams, you sort out your life and feelings, bringing the two together in a way that you can actually live with and act upon the two realities. It "balances" the two realms of existance which make up every person.

For me "Art" is a lot like purposeful dreaming.

When I'm working in art, my natural self touches base with my spiritual existence. My spirit then has a brief moment to shout. "Hey! Remember me? I'm in here, too! We share this space together and sometimes I have to have a chance to say what's going on with me!"I am told that this is the same experience that musicians have when playing their music or writers when the write. It is a crossover point to the "other side" of "you" and it becomes a bridge you can walk over anytime you want to spend some time over there. Art is, then, a "Spirit Walk"- a path to the rest of you that has been hidden by the stresses and pressures of daily natural existence. It can clear your mind much like a stroll down a forest path can replenish your soul. Fir a moment, you can view something so vast and so limitless that your current stresses of life get minimized back to the proper size that they should have been all along.

The Apostle Paul of the first century once wrote, "That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times." (Romans 8:18 The Message Translation) For me, walking outdoors and looking at my beautiful Green Mountains of Vermont or the kite skier on Lake Champlain can take me away, for a moment, from the difficulties of life. I start to balance the things I am facing in my "day to day" world with a larger, more eternal picture. The "Eternal Who" that I really am begins to speak to the smaller, "Me, Right Now" that I have come to think is all that I am. That "Eternal Who" takes over and says, "Don't get caught up in just the difficulties of the moment. Soar with me over these mountains and this lake for a few minutes and understand I am "The Forever One" who transcends this momentary time of trouble." Maybe that is why Jesus said, "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you."

Art, of any kind, can do that for me as well. Art is "Spirit Walk" and also "Spirit Talk" - It is every bit as "real" as the day to day stuff and it needs to be accepted, valued, and nurtured. The best part about it is that there is a lasting representation that remains after the experience. You can go back to it and review what was going on within you! It's a journal of your spirit life.

So, as the new year rolled around, I decided that there might be a benefit for me to "journal" through my art. Then it occurred to me to do this on a daily blog because it would help give me the discipline to take some time for my spirit life to justify and value that "inner me" existence. The problem with art is always that you never really feel satisfied with everything you create. I have shelves full of sketchbooks that I never show anyone because some of the stuff just doesn't strike me as very good. However, isn't that part of the journey, as well. I mean sometimes it's not about what you created but what you tried to convey even if it went haywire. I mean, sometimes that is the problem - you can't always sort out what is going on inside yourself. That is the stress you are dealing with and that journey is as valid as the times when everything comes together, right?

So, for that reason, I have decided to record the good times and the bad. Sorry, your gonna have to wade through all of it with me if you follow this blog. I think that is what Picasso and Matisse (and many others) finally came to with their art. They didn't always give us what the art dealers would have called "good" - they gave us all of it. We saw what some would think to be commercial successes and some paintings that were true representations of "where they were" on that given day. Following along with them through it all, we came to "know" them - on a very intimate level. You sort of look at some of their work and say, "I don't get it with my natural mind, but, somehow I know I have felt the same way."

By making a record of my journey in this manner through this coming year, I sort of hoped that I would be able to look back and see where I had come from. I know that there will be times that I am too rushed to do the painting justice. Sometimes, I will only have the "unfinished" version, which maybe I'll complete the next day and, then again, maybe not. Sometimes art is just laying it down and being satisfied with the few aspects of a given piece that satisfied you along with the portions that didn't. I hope that this process will help me come to grips with the reality that all of it is just part of the journey. And, just maybe I could lay down a path that would encourage others to find meaning in their lives even in the times when things don't always seem so clear. Well that's the hope anyway.

So, here goes, 365 days of meandering through my "spirit walk" through art... for everyone to see. ( Gulp!) Yes, I'm scared, hopeful, insecure, inspired, and dealing with the fact that no one (including me) will "like" everything I scan into this site. But then again - that's life, too. Sometimes you just have to keep at it until the good times come again.

Anyway, you are welcome to come along. Maybe you will want to try your hand at letting your spirit speak, also... I sincerely hope so.

So, here we go! The first pieces of 2010.